


Walking Blind

by missmalyari



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, Beth Childs - Freeform, Gen, i adore beth childs and i miss her, mentions of Arthur Bell, this writing has a special place in my heart even tho it's old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25811803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmalyari/pseuds/missmalyari
Summary: In the end, no one could see what would happen in the end. Not even Beth. She felt like she couldn't see anyone, and no one could see her. (Oneshot) originally written in 2016 posted on ff.net
Kudos: 4





	Walking Blind

_Can you see me?_

* * *

She could hear the rain hitting the roof of her car. Its black exterior blends in nicely against the dark night, her neighborhood is dead silent. Besides the rain. Which wasn't something that Beth really minded. If anything, she accepts it. The drops of rain give her something to focus on.

Drip. Drop.

Elizabeth Childs is usually the exact definition of focus. It's a requirement in her line of work. Being a detective requires focus. Your mind can't go haywire in the middle of a case. You have to come up with solutions on the spot, with a collected, sober head. It could jeopardize your life, strangers, or your partners.

The thought of partners immediately brought up one name. Art. She sees his face when she grips his shoulders. Begging him, questioning him. He looks conflicted.

Fuck.

She can't believe she did that to him. Of all people. Beth groaned to herself, frustration building up. She had to fight the urge to punch the wheel of her car. That night with Art was a lot of things. It was peaceful, it was a distraction. It was a mistake.

Or was it. She couldn't figure it out.

In the end, Art is probably the only one who actually sees her. If he was like Pau – no. She wouldn't even entertain that idea.

But, out of all her fucked up decisions, ironically Art is on the bottom of the chain right now. She remembers the morning after, a call from Trina. She just needed help with her boyfriend. She still sees him with that thing in his face, that worm, being taken out by those two"doctors." Then she remembers Matty Duko, her coworker. Mika was right, there was a spy on the force. She's usually right.

She hears the gunshot and sees the woman, Maggie Chen, falling to the ground. Everything happened so fast, yet so slow. Her body seemed to fall in slow motion, yet the bullet hit her so fast.

"I've got to admit you've got good aim, Beth." Art said to her, a lifetime ago.

This is a prime example of what happens when you lose your focus.

She breathed. Breath in. Breath out.

Bang, bang.

* * *

When Beth was younger, she was constantly lying. It's probably why she excelled so much at being a detective, she could lie through her teeth. Her stories were always so believable, information was easy to get her hands on. The stories she weaved on the spot were usually very believable. She'd tell her friends that her father worked at a nice and normal nine to five job, and that her mom would just stay at home to take care of everyone. She'd come home from school, her mom would make dinner. Dad would come home and be happy. He'd pat Beth on the head and leave her mom a kiss on the cheek. Picture perfect family. Though, it was halfway true. People couldn't understand why they couldn't come over, or why she couldn't go to birthday parties or sleepovers. After a while they just stopped asking. It's easy to make people believe something if you're consistent enough with the lie.

Her father was a bastard. An abusive, drunk, angry bastard. Her mom would stay home a lot, mostly because it got hard to hide the bruises. Sometimes she'd dream about her mom, and it would always end in tears.

"Beth, baby please," she'd choke through sobs, "don't end up like me."

"Be who I see you to be."

Beth doesn't really know who that is anymore.

It's ironic how she didn't see the lies in her life now. How every bit of normality was a complete illusion. Her home, her perfect boyfriend Paul, even herself. All lies. She can't even figure out herself anymore. No matter how many layers she'd peel back she'd still be left feeling nothing.

Being a clone does that to you. It makes you wonder who you really are. Where you stand in things. She couldn't even believe the German, Katja, at first. Who would? It's a crazy story from beginning to end. She can only remember key words now.

Clones. Many more. Alison. Cosima. Killing. Us. Off.

We're next.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Drip. Drop.

* * *

Alison, "soccer mom" with two adorable kids. Cosima, the Ph. D student. Besides Katja and Mika, these two have changed her life in so many ways. Obviously it's been tough, finding out you're a clone would be tough on anybody. But deep down she can't help but be thankful. Maybe under different circumstances, they could truly be family.

Beth has always wanted sisters.

* * *

She's been losing her focus. She knows that. Everyone knows that. She knew when she pulled the gun out on Paul, then she ended up losing her nerve to shoot him in the back of the head. She knew when she came to Art's house right after. She knew when she started not being able to function without the help of these pills.

Or maybe she was already losing it beforehand. She doesn't know how she became the leader of this. Art says she's stubborn and relentless. Beth thinks that he's right. Even if she could stop, she's past the point of being able to.

The pills are heavy in her pocket. Beckoning her to take them. To relax. Lately, it's been much more difficult to resist. Though today, she absolutely can't.

The Brightborn card sits in her other pocket. The weight is even heavier than the pills. She's so close. She can feel it. Close to where everything started.

She can finally end this. She can save herself and her sisters.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Beth finally opens the door to her car. She needs to go back inside for some final preparations.

The last thing she hears before going inside is the sound of a train.

A/N: Wow wow wow two uploads in one day, what are you doing. Well, I'm feeling a bit off and when I feel off I write. I've been in love with the character of Beth Childs. Her strength and her breakdown really fascinated me. I loved that we were able to see more of her character this season, even though it was heartbreaking.

#CloneClub


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